


Could Have Been Me

by justanotherbusyfangirl



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-01
Updated: 2018-12-01
Packaged: 2019-09-05 07:33:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16806226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justanotherbusyfangirl/pseuds/justanotherbusyfangirl
Summary: TFW finally figures out how to defeat Lucifer, once and for all.  It doesn’t end well.





	Could Have Been Me

[Originally posted by bugharpoon](https://tmblr.co/ZL_oWp1KoZJCW)

You couldn’t believe what Dean was saying to you. You were in some podunk town after following Lucifer’s trail here with Sam, Mary, and Castiel. It was finally time, you were finally going to be rid of the bastard.

That was when Dean told you of the plan. You were standing in your motel room, where you had shared an amazing night before, loving each other as many times as possible throughout the night. You had thought that he was just getting rid of his pent up energy, excited to finally gank the Devil, but now you understood. 

He was saying goodbye.

_Don’t wanna live as an untold story_  
_Rather go out in a blaze of glory  
_ _I can’t hear you, I don’t fear you_

“I have to do this, Y/N,” Dean was saying. “This is what we need, this is how we win. I’m gonna be the one who fights him, who finally defeats him.”

You shook your head. “No, Dean. I won’t lose you, I can’t.”

He stepped toward you, hands reaching out to grasp your shoulders and squeeze lightly. “I don’t want you to lose me, but there’s no other way. One of us has to die for the spell to work, and it’s gotta be me.”

_I’ll live now cause the bad die last_  
_Dodging bullets with your broken past  
_ _I can’t hear you, I don’t fear you now_

“Why?” you pleaded. “Why you? Why not Sammy, or me, or anyone else in this godforsaken world? This is not all on you, Dean!”

“Y/N…” Dean said wearily, sitting on the bed and pulling you down next to him. “Sammy couldn’t do it, you know that. Even if he’s grown and gotten stronger since last time he was up against Lucifer, the bastard can still get in his head. And hell if I’m letting _you_ do this. You deserve so much better.”

“So do you,” you interrupted, trying to get Dean to understand that you wouldn’t – _couldn’t_ – let him go through with the plan. “There’s got to be another way. Pray to Chuck, ask him to come help. Let’s get Crowley in here, or Rowena…” You were trying to think of every possible alternative to losing Dean.

_Wrapped in your regret  
_ _What a waste of blood and sweat_

“Y/N…” Dean sighed, standing to pace in front of you for a minute. When he had gathered his thoughts, he kneeled in front of you, hands grabbing at yours. “I love you, you know that?” You nodded in response, tears pricking at your eyes. 

He continued. “For all the time we’ve been together, and even before that, you have to have known how I go out. I don’t get to have the happily ever after, apple pie life. My story has always been headed…well, right here. To this. Saving the world, whatever it takes.” Dean sighed. “I shouldn’t have ever gotten you wrapped up in my story, and for that I’m sorry, but I’ll never regret the time we had.”

The tears spilled out of your eyes, knowing that he truly believed that he wouldn’t ever be able to be happy. You knew how he felt from the beginning – it was the reason why Dean waited so long to be with you, because he believed that he wouldn’t ever get the girl.

_I wanna taste love and pain_  
_Wanna feel pride and shame_  
_I don’t wanna take my time  
_ _Don’t wanna waste one line_

You kissed him hard, holding his face tightly between your hands. You knew that he could taste the salty tears in the kiss, as you could, but you didn’t care. He kissed you back just as hard, both of you knowing that this was your last.

When you pulled away, he rested his forehead on yours. You sniffled, trying to get a hold of yourself. Finally you opened your eyes, seeing that his were watching you, and they were shiny with tears as well. 

“Let’s go,” you said, bottling up your emotions and standing. If Dean was surprised at your sudden change of attitude, he didn’t say anything about it. He followed you out of the room, the two of you heading to where Baby and Mary’s car were parked.

_I wanna live better days_  
_Never look back and say_  
_Could have been me  
_ _It could have been me_

You rode with Mary and Castiel, Sam riding with Dean and following in Baby. The car was silent as the three of you mulled over what was about to happen. You couldn’t imagine what Mary was thinking right now, losing one of her sons. And Castiel – what must he be thinking to let Dean go through with this? But this wasn’t his fault. It was Dean you were frustrated with.

The plan was simple: Dean would sneak in to the house to deal with Lucifer as the rest of you fought off his demon hoard that was surely protecting him. 

It wasn’t until you turned on the dirt road that you could comprehend the situation as real. This was actually happening, right now.

_Don’t wanna live as an unsung melody_  
_I’d rather listen to the silence telling me  
_ _I can’t hear you, I won’t fear you_

Mary pulled the car to the side of the road just before the house came into view, and Dean brought Baby right beside. Silently, the five of you gathered your weapons, Dean reading over the spell from a worn piece of parchment to commit it to memory. 

You stood with him, reading over his shoulder, looking at what he was about to do. The words were faded and the parchment was old, but it clearly listed instructions on how to kill the devil, once and for all. 

Once again your eyes blurred, the words on the paper swimming in front of your eyes. You held tight to Dean’s arm, trying to find comfort in him any way you could.

_Don’t wanna wake up on Monday morning_  
_The thought of work’s getting my skin crawling  
_ _I can’t fear you, I don’t hear you now_

Finally, Dean cleared his throat and put the parchment back in the trunk of Baby. He turned, looking at the rest of you one at a time. “I want a big funeral. The biggest you’ve ever seen,” he joked, trying to lighten the mood. “Tons of drinking, big party, the whole sha-bang.”

Silence met Dean’s declaration, mood just as depressing as it was before.

Sam was the first to step forward and gather Dean into a hug, the brothers talking softly between themselves. Castiel was next, then Mary. Tears were shining in everyone’s eyes as Dean turned to you, smiling a soft smile.

“Remember the good times, yeah, sweetheart?” he spoke softly, and you nodded. He kissed you hard, one last time, before wrapping you up in his arms. 

_Wrapped in your regret  
_ _What a waste of blood and sweat_

The five of you marched toward the house, steeling yourselves for battle. Once you were in view, demons were upon you. They came from all sides – you were all separated from each other in the fight.

Silently, you followed through with your own change of plans. You stabbed two demons with your angel blade quickly, finding the side door to the house. You walked in with confidence, the only sign of emotion the shimmer of tears in your eyes.

Lucifer turned as you walked in the living room, smiling when he saw you. “Ah, Little Miss Y/N,” he greeted you. “I’m a bit surprised to see you here.”

“Me too,” was all you said to him before pulling the old parchment from your pocket and beginning the recitation. Deftly, you cut your wrist as you spoke, and Lucifer didn’t realize until it was too late exactly what you were doing.

_I wanna taste love and pain_  
_Wanna feel pride and shame_  
_I don’t wanna take my time  
_ _Don’t wanna waste one line_

The fighting outside was horrible. Demons were coming from the woodworks – the Winchesters had all killed at least six or seven each, Castiel even more than that.

Dean was becoming frustrated. Every time he thought he found an opening in the fight to slip into the house, another demon popped up. He growled as he stabbed another, hoping this was his chance.

All of a sudden, a bright light streamed out of the windows and doorways of the house. All the fighting seemed to freeze as demons and hunters alike looked toward the front door. 

Sam and Dean’s eyes met across the yard, confused.

That was when Dean realized that he didn’t see you in the yard.

_I wanna live better days_  
_Never look back and say_  
_Could have been me  
_ _It could have been me_

Dean ran in to the house, yelling in anguish as he took in the view:

Lucifer’s vessel on the floor, burned out with the spellwork etched into its forehead. 

Next to him was you, eyes open and unseeing where you had dropped after saying the last word of Latin, parchment falling from your hand, where the blood had stopped pooling.

Dean fell to his knees next to you, picking up your body and holding you against him. He couldn’t see anything through his tears, couldn’t hear anything Sam was saying to him. All he could do was whisper over and over, “Could have been me…. _Should_ have been me.”

**Author's Note:**

> Song Used: Could Have Been Me by The Struts


End file.
